Further development on this issue.
Joomla 1.5.10
Virtuemart 1.1.3
I use a GoDaddy Deluxe shared hosting account....

and so after much more research (wasted Time) I tried Gmail mail service and changed all of the MX records and it looked as if I would finally get some resolution on this issue, then I encountered this...godaddy does not support that authenticated SMTP host connection below using port 465 !!!!!
Mailer: SMTP Server
Mail From: <your_user_id>@gmail.com
SMTP Auth: Yes
SMTP User: <your_user_id>@gmail.com
SMTP Password: <your_password>
SMTP Host: ssl://smtp.gmail.com:465
So I had to go back to using the GoDaddy generic SMTP host settings
(relay-hosting.secureserver.net) just to even get anything going through.
Then it dawned on me!!!
I'm having the exact same issue with the Gmail MX records as I did when GoDaddy was the MX settings.
So I looked at all the orders/admin confirmations that NEVER came through. They are for orders with a public email address (Yahoo, Hotmail, MSN)...the customer confirmations go out but the admin confirmation breaks down and does not go out for all orders made with a PUBLIC email address!
So I tried the joomla basic contact form and used a public address and it errors out with this error:
PHPMAILER_FROM_FAILEDxxxxxxxxx@yahoo.com
any thoughts?
has anyone successfully ever used the Gmail Authenticated SMTP host settings with a GoDaddy shared hosting account.
any thoughts? (other than don't use godaddy)

Phil